I think we all know someone who just beams self confidence. Maybe you have also wondered, “How do they do that? What makes them so confident in everything – in themselves?”
The truth that you, too, can be that confident. Any of us could be the one that everyone else wants to be like, and the one that others wonder about!
Keep in mind that confidence doesn’t come from some “natural” gift but from what we do and think. For some, those activities seem to “just happen” or have become second nature or instinct in them. Because these people have acted this way so much in the past, they habitually ”just do it” now. By deliberately taking these same actions as these people, you will be making the changes necessary to strengthen your own confidence in yourself.
Here’s the list of easy ways to build your confidence
- Care about how you look. Forget anyone who told you that being humble made you a good person, which leads us to quit trying to look good… Your appearance reveals how you feel about yourself. Wear clothes in a reasonably current style, and that fit well, with hair styled so that it flatters you. When you go to take charge of the day, you’re much more confident when you know you look good!
- Smile – a lot – and look other people in the eye. Think about someone who seems to smile all the time. Tony Bennett. Peter Falk. People like this are a pleasure to be around – they seem to have a good time waiting for paint to dry! When you interact with anyone, it makes a big impact when we smile and meet others eyes. It shows you like yourself, you enjoy life, and everyone likes to be around someone who smiles. Get others smiling and they like you. And you’ll like yourself even more!
- Compliment others sincerely. Find something you truly do appreciate, admire, or find appealing in another person. Whenever I go to a particular concert venue, I see someone working there who greets me with the biggest smile, and he goes out of his way to help me do whatever I want to do. He does this ever since I told him I liked his accent… It seems to silly and simple to type it and read it, but that little difference on my end made a huge difference for him. One sincere compliment and I’ve been treated like a VIP ever since at that place! Giving compliments also demonstrates a positive frame of mind to others – and to yourself. When you give compliments to others, you’re creating a mindset of appreciation and positivity.
- Know your true strength. Take an honest look at yourself, and focus on doing what you’re very really very good at. One friend of mine does his best, very best, to never do anything that he’s not good and and thrilled to do. He practically has a small army of people to run his life… and he is so successful and happy! He focuses on his strength, or strengths, and only operates in that area. Do the same, and your world will be much easier and happier.
- Embrace your struggles. Drop the need to do things perfectly, and just allow yourself to make mistakes. Remember that we all have imperfections. Struggles and mistakes only show that you are human! I saw a coffee mug with this printed on it: “EXPERIMENT, FAIL, LEARN, REPEAT.” Without the willingness to experiment and fail, we wouldn’t learn! I know one very successful musician who has trained herself to LOVE making the first mistake of the day! She want to get over the idea that mistakes are bad, so she did. And then she found herself LEARNING from the mistakes much more when she embraced them. Instead of something to be hidden, she turned them into her treasures. And she is at the top of her field. LOVE your struggles, your mistakes, and you’ll see that you are brilliant!
- Be ready! For whatever changes you are trying to create in your life, prepare the way to allow for that change. Think about what you want, look what you will have once you do get it, and be ready to have that change! If you want to give a speech but don’t know when, then practice. Like to get the promotion? Then go ahead and buy that new suit NOW. Want to travel to Europe? Learn another language! Get yourself ready NOW for whatever it is you want, and you’re going to feel hugely energetic.
- Set goals and work toward them. When we choose a direction, we focus on the directions and how to get there. Be sure to set small goals which are necessary in order to achieve the “ big goals.” By creating one success at a time, we move toward the “big goal,” in your feelings and build your confidence. I remember one place I worked that had a huge problem with the materials library… and nobody was going to clean things up, since nobody else was affected by it at the time. When I looked at the enormity of what I needed to do, it seemed impossible, along with other parts of the job. Instead of dwelling on it, I broke it down into bits, such as alphabetizing the large folders. Put items that were by themselves, without knowing where they went, in an area by themselves. It went on and on… and eventually, it was completed! It’s an old joke, but it’s true: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!” Break large goals into smaller goals, and you’ll find little “wins” make the Big Goal come faster!
- Make time to do what you love. Doing what you are passionate about makes you feel fulfilled and excited to live your life. This also leads to you feeling more in control of your life, which grows your confidence. One of the keys is making the time. I have a client who felt awful about his work, and couldn’t stand to go. He felt that he needed to stay (which wasn’t necessarily the case but he believed it was!), so we found other areas of his life where he was full of life and built those up for him to get through his difficult time. Make your own time for what you really love the most and you’ll be at your best all the rest of the time!
- Get all things done at work! Whatever work you do, be sure that you’re doing more than is required, and more than that, more than anyone else expects of you. Develop the reputation at work as the one person who always solves the problem. Don’t do it to convince others, or earn their admiration, because that may or may not come! Do it for your own knowledge that you’re getting things done. Once you’ve got this, it will give you the confidence of Superman.
- Forget your pride! Drop the need to prove anything at all, and you’ll be free of the need to impress anyone and free to just be yourself. You will be more present and real with yourself and others. As mentioned above, don’t do this to impress others or change anyone’s mind about anything. Prove to yourself, instead of the others, that you’re worthy and confident, and then they may see you that way, themselves.
Making any changes takes some dedication and effort. Know that you’re worth it, though! Your faith in yourself will grow with every small change you make.
Start today, start with small actions that you WILL DO, and begin living as the person you’ve always dreamed yourself to be!